New

-This was an old post from December 21st.. That I didn't finish or post..Figured I would post it.

[Many a times I've tried posting..and I get half way through and I pitch the whole thing.. Like ehhh...no good. Tonight I reeaaaallly felt like writing/typing whatever.
I dreaded today's work day, as I do all work days..But to wake up and pray first thing in the morning for the day, just makes all the "dreading" fade away. I knew today that I was gonna be sitting, for the majority of the day..And so that is why I brought a book, a very great book indeed. I spent most of my so-called work day, reading. Mind you, that I was warned ahead of time that I should bring a book to read because it was going to be an easy day. Anyhow, I read the Hiding Place by Corrie ten Boom...and it was....great. Now I haven't finished it, but I am more the half way through the book. But I spent all day reading it.
She did such wonderful things, for the Lord. His strength was perfected ,in every way, in her weakness.. While I was reading one thing that she said I had to write it down..
"Lord Jesus, I offer myself to Your people. In anyway. Any place. Any time." ]

-So I wanted to write something about the New Year..and I'm not sure what to expect in the New Year..I didn't expect a lot of things to happen last year, so I guess anything goes.. But like Corrie ten Boom, I want to give everything to my Lord Jesus.. Everything. and give Him to everyone.

James

It's like I've read the book of James many times..but every time I read through it the Lord shows me something new. Like James 1:22
"Do not merely listen to the word.....Do what it says."
Umm..HELLO! Wow..don't just listen to it and acknowledge it..Do what it says.. It's a command..Not a statement. Recently in my life I've just been acknowledging it and not doing what it says. Going back to Philippians 4:6-7...Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication let all requests be known to God and the peace that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds.
Once again..Reading that verse and being able to let everything be given to God..and that peace that surpasses ALL understanding will guard my heart and mind...Man, it blows my mind..The Word tells me that I can't worry and be anxious, I've got to give it to Him. Give it ALL to Him...not just 85% on or 99.9%..100% giving it all to Him.
Now I'm just sorting stuff out in my head and I'm rambling and repeating myself.
But the Lord is amazing. Merciful and gracious, loving and just.
So really thats what God has put on my heart..To not worry and to keep my eyes fixed on him (Heb 12:2)....Soo.. that's that.
Reading it and doing it.

Well..you know

Soo it's been a while since I last posted..And today I'm in a pretty good mood..
And yet I can't seem to find a specific thing I want to write about. Because, there are so many things that I've been thinking about...So I guess I will just start with the one that I was thinking about last night

Some people may not know this but I am doing the jail ministry with Fran Aldridge..
And it's been amazing.. I can't begin to explain how great it is to see how God has used us in the jail. Anyhow, last night, one of the ladies was sentenced to spend some time in prison..but anyhow I just wanted to cry..I saw Christ in her and how much she has such a passion for the Lord..I mean, like everyone, she has her struggles..but i can see how much she has grown since she first started coming to the bible studies.. Like Fran said, she'll have such a huge ministry with the women in prison. I'm sure it'll be hard but..man, she's got such a great attitude about it.. I guess that leads me to the other thought a I had about jail and prison and such..
I guess I can't really imagine what it would be like to be in jail..Because we go there and teach..but at 7:30 we get to walk out of those doors....I can see how it would be frustrating or irritating at times to just want to get out of there soo bad..especially with all of those women. Fran brought a quote for the women to keep from Chuck Swindoll about "Attitude" ..ha, man they loved that.. Especially when it says "That life is 10% what happens to me and 90% is how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitude"
they thought it was neat..and so did I.. but yeah..


And man, I love spending time with those women in there..One of them said last night that it was a blessing to her that Fran and I came...and I just wanted to cry and tell her how much of a blessing it was to be sitting there with them...I can see their hearts, and how much they yearn for the Word of God. I've been truly blessed to be involved in this ministry with Fran. She's also been an amazing leader and teacher to those women, and to me..
Soo that's what has been on my mind recently.. Just a jumble of random thoughts and feelings..
One more thing..I'm glad to be here. I know the Lord has me here for a reason..a purpose. I'm just so thankful.. Soo ummm yeah..
Hope ya'll have a Happy Thanksgiving!

-haha ya'll

Last night I read Amy's blog..and it made me cry and sad in so many ways. I cry, because I hate that cancer is something that she might have..and I don't want that for her..and I hate that I can't be around to be that friend to her..All I can do is pray for her..Not that 'just praying' is bad..but when you used to have a friend that you cared so much about and something so serious occurs in their life, and you can't be there for them..It really sucks... and I think of so many friendships that I miss and how much I've missed out on. I hate not being apart of their lives..I know I can still pray for them and love and care for them..But what specifically can I pray for? how do I show them I love them? How do I show them I care? without offending them or not give them enough space.
I talked with Carrie last night about lots of these things..and she gave me some great encouragement and advice..I appreciate her friendship more than ever..and It made me realize how much I aprreciated my former friendships too. I think God has so much more healing and fixing to do in my soul. And like Amy said in her blog..I too need to trust in Him and always pursue a peace within HIM.
It's times like these is when I realize how much I need my Lord so much..Like a child to its mother..as a sheep to its shepherd.
I don't know why I felt like sharing..Guess it has been something that has been on my mind..

That Sunday morning

Here are some of those pictures that I took that Sunday morning..
My Father is so amazing..

Good Morning

Well.. I woke up sort of early this morning..Ohh maybe around 6:08 ish, somewhere around there. But, I got up and I went outside with my bible and journal in hand..Sat in the swing chair ..and it was a slight bit chilly out so I brought a blanket..I sort of had a date with the Lord..Anyhow, it was so beautiful. I watched the sunrise through the trees..sigh.. It was so beautiful.. But I read, I spent some time with the Lord and I went back and read Genesis 45-47..Just re-reading about Joseph.. Pretty good stuff. After I was finished reading, I couldn't stop thinking about how beautiful it was outside..So I just sat in the chair for a while and decided I would get my camera and take some pictures.. I really enjoyed it and I got to spend some more time with the Lord while doing so.. It's like I missed him and haven't talked with him in a while..Like visiting with a friend that I hadn't seen in a while.....While surely that wasn't the case.. But it made me see how much I need him, and need to want him more. =) My heart is filled with a peace.. I thank my Lord for such times as these..I need to be with him more throughout my day.. So...as for my random thoughts and feelings... just know that it was a good morning..

Looking Back

I took the time to go back and read other posts that I made. It's funny, because I enjoyed reading them. But I wrote them?? Ha,well...They made me think. I miss that girl, ya know. I miss living in Grandview with Amy, Rachel, Nikki, and Cara..Those were fun times. Sometimes when I go to coffee shops around town it reminds me of Caribou Coffee..and the countless hours I used to spend there reading, studying, or writing..It brings a smile to my face thinking about the memories I have of that place. I guess it is sort of a growing up thing..You look back on things that you enjoyed soo much and wonder where the time went..I can remember the smell of our old apartment=) And the noise of the streets while walking around the neighborhood. I don't think I laughed as hard my entire life, than when I lived there. Amy and I used to laugh and laugh and laugh, mostly about nothing but even laughing at nothing seemed to be funny.
Maya, was our off and on pet dog that Nikki would bring home from her parents house. Nikki was fun..She always watched really cool movies and would wear really cute stuff..She was hilarious too, I do remember laughing quite a bit with her. Rachel was funny because she never came out of her room.. She studied a lot but when she came out there was always something interesting going on in her life or in her studies..Cara was fun too.. I enjoyed some of our conversations on the floor near the kitchen and in the kitchen, and talking about family, school, and guys of course..One time we chatted online and we were sitting right next to each other on the couch..Haha..Those were some fun times..God blessed me with some of the best roomates..And now all except on has gotten married=) But its a time I don't think I'll ever forget..

Morning SHOUTS

This morning I awoke to a beautiful beam of light, piercing through my window onto my wall..My wall has a mirror on it, so therefore the light reflected off of the mirror and onto my face. It was 6:45 in the morning and I could not go back to sleep..The light was soo beautiful and I was amazed by it..The light consisted of an amber richness with a golden hue..It was truly remarkable..As the sun continued to rise so did the light and it moved ever so slowly on my wall..Eventually away from my face.
It was a great wake up call..As if God were waking me and telling me to get up.

My mind raced , I thought of a million things.. If I wrote everything I thought it might be as long as the harry potter series..But I also prayed and spoke with the Lord..and it was good..I enjoyed it ever so much.

this was random, but it has been lingering in my head all day...

Sin

I was looking at myspaces and facebooks today..Also thinking about lots of stuff.
I was thinking about my friends, the ones I have, the ones that are gone, and just the others that sort of aren't there anymore..
And I started to think about how amazing it is when something soo traumatic can happen, and it can change lives, views...hearts. I thought about sin. How it can seem to do the same thing.

This morning I saw three cars get pulled over for speeding..I myself, a few weeks ago commited the same crime. Are we not sinning while speeding?
Cursing..Yeah..That also seems to sneak its way to the tip on my tounge...
Gossip......used to be a huge struggle for me in middle and high school..
It is simple everyday stuff right?? Like..
"hey it's okay they are small sins..nothin big?? I mean it's not like I'm gay, or killing people or sleeping around with somebodys husband.."

Why is it that we as humans, flesh, sinners, find it okay to put labels on which sin is worse than others..Isn't it ultimately up to God to be the judge of that..I mean, He's already said it is all same in his eyes..Every sin we do is sin against God..Our Father..
I would never purposely hurt my earthly father..Why hurt my Heavenly Father??
It's crazy how sin works..
It can change lives, views, and hearts..
But we can choose what we do after we sin. We can either confess it, change our mindset and attitude..Or..confess and keep on doin it.
What are you gonna do?


I decided to put this song on here..Because I liked it and I love the whole message of it..

Hey lady sitting by yourself
I can hear them say
You don’t belong here
If your man’s away
Cause we believe in a love
That has no end
So you can either tough it out
Or you can live in sin

Just when I start to think they’ve got it all wrong
That’s when I realize the truth

Maybe they’re right
You don’t belong here
You deserve to be where there are people who care
Instead of a world
That shouts from the high road
Saying “We love like God but you don’t belong here”

Hey you with the rainbow flag
I can hear them say
You don’t belong here
Not if you’re gay
Although we all fall short
I guess some still believe
Some people can fall too far
For grace to reach

Just when I start to think they’ve got it all wrong
That’s when I realize the truth

I’m not trying to decide whats right or wrong
I don’t think that job is up to me
But they’re selling passports to the gates of kingdom come
Like they’re the ones who hold the key
But they’re not

Hey you hanging on the cross
Is it really true
When they say we don’t belong
You’ve been there too
You were a friend to the prostitutes
You were a friend to thieves
All for that your blood was shed
On calvary

Just think about it..

How awesome

It's late...I have to work in 11 hours..I could go to bed and get some sleep...Still have to get up early and do the usual "grown up" things. Today was weird. I was super emotional, my thoughts were running rampant. Thoughts of Logos, my mom, my dad, the kids at Hargis.. I wanted to cry soo many times and yet my Lord comforted me every time. Gosh, I can't even explain what it was that I was feeling.....Whatever it was I didn't like it. The day got better, I spent 20 mins with my kids talking about 1 John 1:9 and God's righteousness....I can't really explain everything I said to them.. but man, they got it.......I mainly talked about that to them because, I , myself was having problems with getting into fellowship that day. God is soo crazy..I love it. After I set it aside( my out-of-fellowship-ness) and I let him use me, He reached out to those kids..It wasn't me, it was all about Him..His glory..I wonder about Paul the Apostle..How he felt in times like these..
I just feel like rambling because this is how I feel..Paul used to be Saul..Who killed Christians, didn't believe in Christ, thought he was a fake..And God put him on his face and showed him Christ..literally..... AND CHANGED Saul to Paul and ......the rest is history..So to speak. Look how God used Paul..He went from killing Christians to becoming one himself..God transformed Paul. He became an apostle for the Lord! It is soo amazing to me....To live by the sword you must die by the sword..and that's exactally what Paul did. He befriended people,they betrayed him, led them to Christ, was persecuted for it, made a few mistakes here and there, but God was with him every step of the way...Crazy..How awesome is our God..

Accomplishments

Yeah..I for some reason was inspired to post another blog. Possibly about nothing, but it really is the thought that counts. So, it's Saturday, and I feel like I've accomplished nothing today. I went to the mall today to pick up some things and I did that, but once again, not a huge accomplishment. Ohhh..But there is one thing I did get to enjoy today that I haven't had since Ohio...Chipotle..Yes, thats right, I said CHIPOTLE..Alabama finally decided to invest in a restaraunt that everyone from all over the country would like. I think it might be the last state to build one...Haven't researched that, but I might take the time to look it up..Maybe that might be my accomplishment of the day? ............Nah. Then I would really be lame. Ohh well..
I actually don't know what I am trying to accomplish.. Maybe it's how many times I can't type the word accomplishment in a blog? Or doing my laundry, cleaning my room, cleaning my car??? Who knows..Ha. Ohh me.

Let me know

Wish I had what I needed
To be on my own
Cuz I feel so defeated, and I'm feeling alone
and it all seems so helpless
and i have no plans
I'm a plane in the sunset
with no where to land
And all I see is it could never make me happy
And all my sand castles spend their time collapsing
Let me know that hear me
Let me know your touch
Let me know that you love me
and let that be enough
It's my birthday tomorrow
No here could know I was born this Thursday 22 years ago
and I feel stuck watchin history repeating
yeah well am I just a kid whose needy
Let me know that you hear me
let me know your touch
let me know that you love me
and let that be enough

Greatness

Ya know...God is somethin.....Last night I met with Al Rosenblum about some stuff that I needed to talk about..And God is a god of healing,encouragement,love and etc... Last night Al talked to me about "the lies" satan often tries to use on us..For example: "You're not good enough anymore...God can't use you now, you're loose change to him"
That ones has been the one that hit me,personally, the hardest.
It's not that I believed it, but I second guessed..Is is partially true?
We talked about how to fight against those lies..And it's all about faith. Confronting those lies....The basic stuff. Gosh..It really hit me that.................
Although I've screwed up...And some know that I screwed up big time..But that doesn't mean that I am out of the race just yet..I mean I'm still alive...Soo that means that God CAN still use me..Thats been a hard piece of meat to chew on, but I think I got it...Hargis is a great example of God using me..Those kids are absouletly amazing..I've given the Gospel to those kids every week and they've been soo excited to have "values times" (is what devotion time is called) and they soak it all up.. They love to learn about the Lord and I love teaching it..God IS using me...I'm not damaged goods..I just keep praying that God continues to teach me and mold me..I am His........I am a tool...He is good

House

Today, Miss. Chigger talked about the song "Big House" to the kids this morning. And it was really neat to see it explained in detail.
I don't looove the song, but it's fun to sing with the kids.
Come and go with me
To my Fathers House
Come and go with me, to my Fathers House
It's a big big house
with lots and lots of room
A big big table
with lots and lots of food
A big big yard
where we can play football(touchdown!)
It's my Fathers House

Carrie had one of the kids explain what the song meant..
And, in simple terms, said
"It's heaven!"
But also when we accept Jesus Christ into our hearts
we go to our Fathers house..We become apart of the family; the body.
We go and he provides us with food,shelter, fun stuff..
I often forget how much he takes care of me. His love is overflowing and abundant in grace. I can't remember how my life was before Him. I'm always learning about my Father..And I think me being here(in AL) has taught me a whole lot. I know that I am here for a reason and I just pray that even though I get home sick, that He may be glorified. I continue to pray for strength and guidence. I need Him more than ever and I need to constantly be hungry for Him..

Children

Recently, I moved to Trussville, Alabama, to work at a day camp for kids. It's a Christian-Judeo centered camp..Anyhow. I've worked now for One week and two days, It's been crazy and fun and exhausting...All of that put aside..It's the children that are amazing. I wrote a long journal about this last night and it's still on my mind, so bear with me.
I watch these kids, and they play and laugh, run, scream, cry, they are full of joy! Just from observation, children have this..natural drive..When I'm dragging at around 9am..They are just getting started, it's like, forget about having to get up at 6am, LETS GO!..They also hold a sacred piece of innocence.
That is what has been on my mind.
It's amazing as children how we see the world. I remember thinking my daddy was perfect! and my mom was a supermodel.. My grandma could do no wrong in the world and nothing went wrong in the world..Except when I didn't get my way. But when reality sets in, and we as children now have to think like adults is when we lose some sort of...."thing"...We realize daddy isn't perfect,mommy is mommy, grandma uses internet dating..Ya know it all comes out and it's not what you expected..As a child that is..
But isn't that life..It's not what we expect but God already expects and knows..
Back the children...
The kids at Hargis..They are soo great..My brothers and sister, they are even better..
I don't know where I was going with this...Alot of this is me recapping my childhood..and its me Jumbling it up in my head.. I just miss that innocence. But everything happens for a reason in Gods plan..Jumbling again..

John 10

I wrote this in a journal of mine....
November 5, 2006

Tonight I'm reading the book of JOhn. I love JOhn for many reasons. Tonight just going back and reading chapter 10, it really clears my head. I say that beacause in the begining of chapter 10, Jesus is talking about the Jews. He is telling them about the Shepherd and His Flock.. He begins by saying

"I tell you the truth, the man who
does not enter the sheep pen by the gate, but
climbs in by some other way, is
a theif and a robber."

I was just applying that to my life..And how I was thinking of a future mate. All of these "guys" that have, essentially, entered my heart(gate) in a way that was not by God, they were theives. They stole pieces of my heart and decieved me. They were not of God, definately not men of God by any means. But they came into my heart and lead me astray. Mind you I was not innocent in this either.....
But it's neat to see God's word applied in my life..

I wrote this many months ago..And it seems as if it will always be true. I just pray that God will continue to refine me...

Soo I'm here in McKean,PA...I love the laughter coming from the other room..April on the phone, Phillip talking,"Bill Gates!" said Ethan, and Ali Shamsher laughing randomly..It all makes me smile..Here are some hilarious photos that April and I took this afternoon..I hope you enjoy! They're pretty funny...Real funny......HA...See funny! Okay I'm done..Love you all..